Before I start, I wanna apologize to all my faithful readers for the lack of updates in this entire week. For all Malaysians and those who follow the recent Malaysian election would know the current political condition of the country.
As a media graduate, I learned about media law, ethics and standards in advertising and broadcasting. I had always been interested in Mass Communications and the Media, and went against my father's plan for me to pursue English in a local university, rebelled and fought hard (all the tears involved, I tell you) for what I genuinely wanted to study and pursue in life, that is, the media.
But as I was halfway through my 3-year degree, I felt a sense of hopelessness in my country's journalistic standards. The more I read and watched the mainstream media, the more I was convinced that I didn't wanna be a journalist in my country. The more I did case studies about the government-controlled Malaysian media, the more disappointed and discouraged I felt.
At one point, I seriously lost all motivation to go to class as I felt that there was no point continuing my study in something that I could not practise when I graduate. Even my lecturers who were once dedicated, passionate and responsible journalists who wanted to report fairly gave up and went into lecturing instead. They said they would rather not go against their conscience, therefore, they let go of that passion.
Knowing very well the media regulations that the government sets to all who write about sensitive issues such as politics, race, religion and the likes, I decided that I would steer my blog clear of anything that could potentially get me (my family and all that I'm associated with) into trouble. I know my stand, God, my family and friends do, and that is all that matters.
That also explains the lack of updates for the past week. For one, I admit that I didn't have any mood or inspiration to blog about anything. Nothing at all. All I wanted to do was to go on Facebook and Twitter to find out the latest updates about the election and the country. Never before had I felt so strongly for my nation.
That also explains the lack of updates for the past week. For one, I admit that I didn't have any mood or inspiration to blog about anything. Nothing at all. All I wanted to do was to go on Facebook and Twitter to find out the latest updates about the election and the country. Never before had I felt so strongly for my nation.
Though I was a media student, I admit I'd always been pretty indifferent about the political climate of my country. I don't read the newspaper (mainstream newspapers are full of sh*t), I hardly read online news as other things online always interested me more, unless I had to for assignment purposes. But as the elections drew closer, I started to take more interest in the affairs of my country by reading up more, watching videos, attending talks, and came to a conviction of my own that something needs to be done to Change the corrupt ways of the government. So much more that we can achieve as a nation if not for the corruption of our leaders. So, so, so much more.
The future seemed so bright. Hope seemed so real. Change seemed so near...it felt like we were at the brink of Change, yet, so difficult to breakthrough. It was a real emotional battle for us all. To balance between faith and the bleak reality.
For the first time ever, a week before the elections, my heart broke for my country. When the song, 'God of the City' came on during my church service, I froze, and my heart shattered into pieces.
God of the City - Chris Tomlin
You're the God of this City
You're the God of this City
You're the King of this people
You're the Lord of the nation
You are
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are
There is no one like our God
For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
I couldn't sing...because if I sang along, my voice would break and I would choke. Hot tears streamed my face continually like I hadn't cried for years. A sense of desperation overwhelmed me. I realized that only God is in control, and we needed Him to intervene so badly. Only He can bring about a miracle...in His time.
I wept as I lifted my hands in surrender, while my heart was aching and wrenching for my nation. It was such a complex feeling that I find real hard to describe and comprehend. On that day, I realized that deep down inside, I'm a child of Malaysia who truly loves her.
On that same day, I decided to go for my first ever ceramah at Seksyen 17, braved through the jam and ongoing rain, and sat on newspapers on the stony ground listening to what my leaders have to say.
It was the first time I felt so united with my fellow countrymen.
What we want were simple- a better nation, a brighter future, a clean and non-corrupt government.
Soon after, I went for my second ceramah at the PJ Hockey Stadium.
The unity in the air was addictive.
There, I met a lady whom I truly admire- Yeo Bee Yin.
A bright student who landed a high-paying job in the UK who decided to return to serve the country and fight for Change.
Also met my Form 4 addmath tuition buddy, Sara Lau who has always been smart and talented!
She works at a law firm by day, and volunteers as an emcee/assistant for the ceramahs/talks every night. These people are the ones who walk the talk. When you see talented young people rise up to take ownership of the country's future, you can't help but to feel a huge sense of hope.
Days leading up to the election were nerve-wrecking. It was like a countdown for us all. Malaysians (well, most of us) were excited to cast our votes (more excitement for first-time voters like me!), with faith that our one vote could make a difference in Malaysia.
Voting starts from 8am-5pm. At 7am, my dad yelled at the top of his lungs to wake all voters in da houz up. My family and my aunties' families were all staying at my granny's. It was like a family outing that day :)
I'm normally not a morning person, but that morning was exceptional. Woke up with such willingness and enthusiasm. I was surprised at myself!
Went on Facebook and Twitter and realized that almost the whole Malaysia was already up by then. Some already started queuing up at 7am, while some were happily eating breakfasts with their families before casting their votes. It was truly a carnival feeling. The whole country was doing the same activity together. Malaysia was unified on 05.05.13 :)
Never thought that the election process was THAT easy! I'm lucky the place I was allocated at had smaller crowd. Some had to stand under the hot, blazing sun for 3 hours just to cast a vote at other places. Yet, they stayed on and didn't complain. Because they know that little sacrifice and inconvenience was worth it. Every vote was important.
On that day, pictures of blue fingers flooded my Instagram, Facebook and Twitter timeline. But no one was annoyed (well, maybe for some who are easily annoyed at every little thing). Finger pictures never looked so good to me. That only goes to show that Malaysians were proud to have voted, to have fulfilled their responsibility as a citizen of Malaysia.
I remember I couldn't get my eyes off my smartphone. There were constant updates about the election. From happy finger pictures, to updates about foreigners arriving in buses to vote, to finally, the announcement of the election results.
It was truly an emotional ride...heart was pumping so fast the entire day.
We gathered together at David's place that evening to watch the election results, updated each other on the latest news, wins and loses, situations happening where electricity was cut off, and shared jokes that people cracked on Twitter even at such a crucial, intense moment. It was an unforgettable night...because Malaysians all stood as one, physically, and virtually on social media. My whole timeline was flooded with election updates. Never had I felt happier being spammed like this.
The night ended with huge disappointments nationwide. I think most of you would have known what happened so I need not repeat it here.
We went home, downcast and devastated.
The lights were off, we were on the bed ready to sleep, but I couldn't. My eyes were still wide open, heart slowly sinking (reality hadn't hit me hard yet...I was still holding on and believing). Then it dawned upon me. The night that I dreaded coming, had come. I wished that things would undo, and it would restart again as a fair game. But it wouldn't, because it was officially over.
I stared into darkness with the vision of my country's bright future slowly fading away, out of reach though it was so near. So, so near.
It was then that hot tears slowly flowed down my cheeks to my pillows. A soft cry which turned into a heavy sob. It was a cry of discontentment, with feelings of being cheated. All I felt that night was one word- GERAM.
That night, with my husband's tight hug, I cried myself to sleep.
The morning after was even worse than the night itself. I had envisioned so much that I would wake up to a new Malaysia. But I didn't. That was when I knew that there was nothing I could do than to pick up my emotions, wipe the tears away, and keep walking. Another 5 years may seem long, but it's another 200 weeks. Time flies. Things will change...in His time.
Since then, I toughened my heart, and decided to drown myself in my work. That was why I hadn't updated until now...when I'm sure that I'm not acting out of purely emotions alone.
Anyways, I believe that all things work together for good. This election and whatever happened after that had brought Malaysians together, stronger and more united than before. People started to share their life story against racism, and shared posts, photos and videos about racial unity.
If you wanna read about them and be inspired, you may go to my personal Facebook pageHERE.
These 2 videos are something beautiful that sprung out in the midst of the apparent "racial disharmony" as pointed out by certain someone. These videos were brilliantly produced by Petronas in conjunction with Malaysia's 50th Independence Day years ago.
Our children are colour blind
Shouldn't we keep them that way?
I wanna end this post by saying that I'm grateful to be born at such a time as this. To witness with my own eyes the Change that has happened, and the Change that is about to happen.
We wept because the Change we wanted to see had not yet come to pass. But if you think about it, Change did take place.
Malaysians are now better aware of the country's political climate and care to learn and find out more. Malaysians are more patriotic. Malaysians are now more unified.
These are the Changes that ought to take place before the BIG CHANGE can happen. We need to be ready as a nation for that BIG CHANGE. And we are well on our way.
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It truly is in darkness that we see light; in political chaos that we find unity.
I love Malaysia.
love, anak Malaysia.