This post is one that has taken me 3 days to think about. It is something really personal to me. It's a milestone. And as usual, milestones shall be recorded down :)
Three nights ago was one of those nights where we would both be on our bed, playing with our phones, chatting, watching and laughing at silly videos before sleeping. After we were done "catching up" with the world, we cuddled on the bed with lights off, ready to sleep.
Cuddling after a long day before sleeping has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. It's therapeutic. It was a quiet, peaceful midnight. It was perfect.
All of a sudden, I just felt in my heart that we should pray.
So I just randomly blurted out, "Baby, let's pray."
"Pray? You mean pray in the heart or aloud?"
"Aloud. Let's pray for each other."
He proceeded to hugging me real tight, with one hand on my back, and another pushing my head towards his chest, took a deep breath, and prayed.
"Dear Father, I want to thank You for my beautiful wife, Careen...."
The moment those words were uttered, my body felt warm and my heart melted immediately. Hearing my husband thanking God for me and praying on my behalf made me feel more loved than I ever felt. Ever.
It was more than just a lovey-dovey feeling, or a touching feeling. It was something I'd never felt before. Not in these 9 years that we've been together. That feeling was near indescribable. It was beautiful.
I expected him to just pray a short one as we were both already pretty tired by then, but I guess I underestimated my husband. He prayed for our lives, our church and ministries, our pastor and leaders, our parents and families, our awesome friends, our careers, our marriage, and for God to always protect me, keep me safe and give me strength for all that I do. I have always felt loved by him, but not this much before.
Then it was my turn to pray for him. It truly wasn't easy to pray aloud for him. He wasn't just any stranger or friend from church, he is my husband. And I wanted to pray the best prayer for him. Praying aloud indeed exposes me and leaves me vulnerable to him, because now he knows my innermost thoughts, feelings and desires for him. But it was a beautiful vulnerability.
It was the first time in our marriage that we prayed aloud for each other, in the privacy of our room. We've prayed for each other before in churchwide prayer meetings and such, but they were all pretty brief and casual. But this time, it was the first time that we truly put God into the center of my marriage. The feeling of inviting Him into our marriage was just amazing.
That night, I had the sweetest sleep I ever had. I felt like nothing could go wrong, because we both have God in our marriage, and God is in the center of it all. We continued praying before sleeping every night since then. It was addictive.
Praying with each other was unlike any other feeling that I've felt before, which left me wondering why for the past few days. Then it struck me. It was more than a physical, mental, or emotional connection. It was a spiritual intimacy that we experienced. It was intimacy on a whole new level.
That was the first time I ever felt it and it was more than beautiful. I think I've run out of vocabs to describe this feeling.
Truly, you cannot pray without loving; you cannot love without praying.
The more you pray, the more you love; the more you love, the more you pray.
This is indeed, the most beautiful thing.